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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26050594">Remember, Remember</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/memories_are_all_we_have/pseuds/memories_are_all_we_have'>memories_are_all_we_have</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Torchwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Breathplay, Choking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, references to Adam</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:00:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,522</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26050594</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/memories_are_all_we_have/pseuds/memories_are_all_we_have</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack wants to try something new in the bedroom and Ianto can never say no to Jack. Unfortunately for them, this particular kink triggers something dark inside of Ianto.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Remember, Remember</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div>
  <p>It was Jack's idea.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>To be fair, most of the stuff they had done like this was his idea. He'd had hundreds of lifetimes to try and retry (and in some cases, re-retry) just about every kink imaginable. Of all the things they'd done, this was actually quite tame.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>So why was he so nervous?</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Come on, it'll be fine." Jack promised, that easy, playful grin dancing on his lips. He was shirtless, suspenders dangling at his waist, and sitting on the edge of Ianto's bed. Ianto was sat beside him, still dressed, but decidedly more ruffled than usual, biting the inside of his lip and thinking.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What if I hurt you?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack laughed. "Ianto, it takes more than a little breath play to hurt me, remember? Even if you went too far, I'd be back in a few minutes."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ianto stiffened. "Jack-"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The smile dropped. "I'm kidding." Jack shifted and put a gentle hand on Ianto's leg. "I know you'd never do that." Ianto nodded quickly, gaze dropping to his lap where his hands were resting. "Okay, if you don't want to do it, we don't have to." He could hear the disappointment in Jack's voice.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ianto forced himself to look up and meet Jack's eye. He offered a small smile. "Let's just see where it goes, okay? If you're really sure I won't hurt you, I can try."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The smile returned to Jack's face and he leaned in to kiss Ianto, hard. "You're fantastic." He declared. Ianto chuckled as Jack dragged him onto the bed.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>They lay together for a while, kissing and slowly working to strip one another. Finally, when both were down to their boxers, Ianto pulled back. He was on top of Jack, straddling his hips, and staring down at him. Jack was breathing hard and still grinning. Something in his eyes seemed to shine as Ianto reached down and cupped his jaw with both hands. "Tap my leg if you want me to stop." He instructed firmly. Jack nodded. His body was nearly vibrating beneath Ianto.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Taking a deep breath, Ianto nodded back and let his hands drift down to Jack's neck. At first he simply kept them there, his grip loose. After a moment, Ianto bent and kissed Jack, relishing the way the other man's trembling breath ghosted over his lips when they broke apart. Ianto lingered, still hunched over Jack and only inches from his face. Their eyes met. "Do it." Jack whispered, voice trembling in anticipation. Ianto nodded and tightened his grip. Jack gagged, but otherwise only reacted by pressing his head back into the pillow. Ianto squeezed harder, watching Jack's face. He was beginning to turn red.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ianto felt his heart in his chest, banging against his ribs. All he could hear was the blood rushing in his ears as he squeezed, tighter and tighter with each passing second. How long till he went still? How long till his body gave out? The brain couldn't survive long without air. Even an immortal man needed to breath. Ianto could practically feel the life slipping from Jack's body with each passing second. His grip tightened. What would it feel like? He could almost imagine it. Just a little more pressure and-</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Something hit his leg.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ianto snapped back to reality, looking down to see Jack's hand frantically slapping Ianto's thigh. He looked back to Jack's face- he was beginning to turn blue. Immediately, Ianto released him and shot backwards, feeling as though he'd been struck.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack inhaled sharply, then coughed. He was still coughing as he sat up, rubbing his neck. Ianto clambered back, eyes wide as Jack gathered himself. "Jeez, Yan, that was pretty intense."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ianto couldn't answer. It felt as though his throat had closed up. When he didn't speak, Jack looked up. His gaze sent Ianto scrambling further away. He stumbled up and off the bed, backing away from Jack until he hit the wall. "Ianto?" Jack rose as well. The motion sent a fresh wave of panic through Ianto and he shook his head, fear he didn't understand rising in his chest.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No!" Ianto turned and darted from the bedroom, needing to get away, to escape.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ianto!"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>The front door was only a few feet away, Ianto could make it, he knew he could, if he just-</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He couldn't.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He halted abruptly, horror washing over him. If he went out, he'd be putting people in danger. What if he hurt someone? What if he didn't stop himself? He couldn't go out, he had to stay here, had to protect the world.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ianto, what the hell-" There was a hand on his shoulder and he flinched away from it. Instantly it was gone, but Jack was not. "Yan, what's going on?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Stay away from me." Ianto's voice was rough, like he'd been the one nearly strangled to death. Not trusting himself to turn around, Ianto walked briskly into the living room, arms wrapped tightly around his torso. Jack followed, Ianto could sense him, but didn't try touching him again.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I don't understand. What's wrong?" Jack's voice was gentle, like Ianto was the one who needed to be comforted.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>God, he felt ill.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I could have killed you." He sniffed, fighting the tears threatening to spill.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What are you talking about?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"In there. The- the strangling." Naming it sent a shudder down his body and he hugged himself tighter. "I wasn't stopping."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You stopped when I tapped you."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I went too far! You were <em>blue</em>!"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Ianto, I asked you to do this." Jack stepped close and risked another touch, this time just his fingers brushing Ianto's bicep. He squeezed his eyes shut and hated himself for pressing into it. "Why are you so upset?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I could have killed you." Ianto repeated, this time the words thick with his tears.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It's okay. I'm here. I'm fine." The fingers turned to a hand, which cautiously pulled Ianto around so they were facing each other. Ianto couldn't bring himself to open his eyes. "I'm right here." Arms encircled him and pulled him into a hug. A shaky breath escaped Ianto as Jack lifted a hand to press Ianto's head into his shoulder. "It's okay."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I was excited. When I was doing it. I <em>liked </em>it." Ianto confessed. He expected Jack to push him away. To demand a further explanation, to kick him out. To never speak to him again.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Instead, Jack hugged him tighter. They were silent for several moments, save for Ianto's pitiful sniffles. Finally, Jack spoke, his voice a low rumble. "Clearly you didn't like it that much if this is your reaction."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ianto pulled back, shaking his head. "I don't know how to explain it." He whispered. "I was- I started wondering how long it would take you to <em>die</em>."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Jack shifted so his hands were on Ianto's waist. "I think you were starting to panic and didn't realize it."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"When you started, your eyes sort of glazed over. I thought maybe you were getting into the right headspace, but then you didn't come back. That's why I stopped you so fast."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"That doesn't mean it's okay for me to hurt you."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You didn't." When Ianto didn't look convinced, Jack tilted his chin up. "Look. Bruises are probably already gone. You really weren't choking me that hard."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>He was right, his neck was blotching in some places, but overall seemed to be returning to normal. Still, he could feel himself trembling. "It felt like something inside me- something wanted me to hurt you." <em>To kill you. </em></p>
</div><div>
  <p>"You're not the type to hurt <em>anyone</em> without cause." Jack soothed, lifting a hand to gently stroke Ianto's face. "This is my fault. I knew you were uncomfortable and I pushed. I'm sorry."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"It's not-" Jack cut him off with a soft kiss. When he pulled back, Ianto stared.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I'm sorry." Jack repeated. This time, Ianto simply nodded. The fear was finally trickling from his body and leaving him exhausted. "Let's just go to bed. Okay?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Maybe you shouldn't stay. Just in case."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Do you really want me to go, or are you just afraid?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ianto bit his lip. Truthfully, he wanted Jack to keep holding him and telling him it was alright. That seemed to be the only thing keeping him together at the moment. Jack offered him a gentle smile.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Come on, let's get you to bed."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Ianto nodded and let himself be pulled back into the bedroom. It was all a blur- Jack easing him onto the mattress, lying beside him, turning off the light and sinking down beside him. When Jack pulled Ianto into him, however, he finally reacted. Ianto pressed further into Jack's side, face buried in his neck, and inhaled his sent. Jack hugged him tight and kissed the top of his head. "It's gonna be okay, Yan. I'm right here."</p>
</div><div>
  <p>And Ianto tried to believe him. He nodded, not lifting his head, and let his body go still. After a few moments, he felt Jack's breath even out. Still, Ianto lay awake, feeling himself tremble.</p>
</div><div>
  <p>Somewhere, in the deepest void of time and space, a lost creature laughed.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
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